We’ve all been there – an afternoon filled with whining that pushes us to our limits. But here’s the thing: kids don’t whine just to test our patience. When children whine, they’re sending us a message that they need connection.
Often, feelings of powerlessness mixed with unmet desires are at the root of that whiny tone. While giving in to their demands might stop the complaint momentarily, it doesn’t address the underlying issue. And let’s face it, telling them to “stop whining” in an exasperated tone usually just adds fuel to the fire of their unhappy feelings.
So, what do our whiny children really need? Connection! And one good way to provide that is through a little laughter. By playfully acknowledging the whining, we give them the love and connection they’re craving, while gently encouraging them to drop that grating tone. Below are stories of parents who used laughter as a cure for whining. Feel free to adapt these silly games for your own kids or get creative and invent your own!
The Return of No-Uh!
Recently, a mom in a group I run shared a brilliant strategy she used when her daughter wouldn’t stop whining. Many moms in this group have new infants along with an older child, and about 5-8 weeks after welcoming a new sibling, some of the older kids start sending clear signals: “Hey, I need some extra attention here!”
This particular mom mentioned that her four-year-old daughter had been whining more than usual since her eight-week-old brother arrived. Lately, she’d even added a special touch to her whine – instead of just saying “no!”, she’d say “Nooo-uh!” She’d tack on an “uh” sound at the end of each complaint.
Imagine hearing (in your whiniest voice): “I don’t want that for dinner-uh,” “I don’t want to go to school-uh,” “Nooo-uh, I don’t want to be quiet because the baby is sleeping-uh!” “I want another cookie-uh!” It was enough to set anyone’s teeth on edge!
But one afternoon, instead of losing her cool, this mom tried something different. She turned it into a game, saying, “That’s odd, I think there’s a NoUh in the room. Hey, NoUh, where are you hiding? NoUh?!” This brought a big smile to her daughter’s face, who pointed to herself and said, “NoUh is here.” The mom responded with delight, “Oh, there’s NoUh! I think NoUh might need a hug.” She embraced her daughter, who snuggled into her arms. And just like that, the whining stopped for the day.
The next day, when mom picked her daughter up from school (baby in tow), her daughter said in a soft, slightly sad voice, “Mommy, I think NoUh is back today.” Without missing a beat, mom leaned in and said, “Oh! I think it’s time for more hugs for NoUh.” Her daughter giggled, and now it’s become their special code. Whenever she says NoUh is back, mom knows exactly what to do!
Whingy-Whiny Bugs to the Rescue
Another mom I know was on vacation with her three-year-old daughter. With all the hustle and bustle of constantly moving from one activity to the next, surrounded by both family and new faces, it was challenging to find any one-on-one time together.
One particularly hectic and tiring day, her daughter was whining non-stop by the afternoon, and nothing seemed to make her happy. So, the mom took a deep breath and got creative. She announced, “Oh no, these whingy-whiny bugs are everywhere! We need to get them off you!” She started playfully picking invisible little creatures off her daughter’s body – behind her ears, in her nose, on her belly. Then, she pretended to pop the imaginary bugs in her mouth and chewed with exaggerated delight. “Mmmm…delicious,” she said, “I’m so glad we got rid of those whingy-whiny bugs!”
Her daughter erupted in laughter and begged for more of the whingy-whiny bug play. After that, both mother and daughter were much more relaxed for the rest of the day.
Or let’s say your child is asking for one more cookie in an extra whiny tone. You could come in close and say, “And I want a nibble of your ear!” Then pretend to nibble their leg, then their arm, and finally their ear with some happy munching sounds. Alternatively, you could pick them up, throw them over your shoulder playfully, and chant, “We want a cookie! We want a cookie!”
So, the next time you’re faced with a whining child, remember: a little playfulness can go a long way in helping them feel seen and heard. By responding with humor and creativity, you’re not just stopping the whining – you’re strengthening your bond with your child. The more you practice these playful techniques, the more natural they’ll become. You might be surprised at how quickly you can transform a potentially frustrating situation into a moment of joy and laughter.
