The holiday dinner table can feel like a battlefield when kids refuse to stay seated or won’t eat anything on their plates. The embarrassment of our child’s behavior, which can provoke disapproving looks and judgmental comments from relatives, is all too real.
Why Children’s Behavior Can Be Challenging Over the Holidays
Children can feel overstimulated during the holidays. Their regular routines are disrupted, and they’re sensitive to the fact that their parents’ attention shifts to other people and preparations. The added pressure of relatives’ expectations for perfect behavior creates a storm of emotional overwhelm for children and added stress for parents. Sometimes, when friends and family gather, the extra attention can lead to increased tantrums.
Prepare Your Child in Advance
Preparing your child for upcoming meals can ease anxiety. If you anticipate unfamiliar foods at Grandma’s house, try saying, “We’re going to Grandma’s, and there might be some foods you’re not used to. What do you think will be on the table? Maybe pasta or potatoes?”
Encourage them to guess what dishes might be served and share your own favorite and least favorite Thanksgiving foods. Reassure them that if they see something they don’t like, it’s okay not to eat it. Children who feel safe and unpressured to try foods they dislike are more likely to become adventurous eaters in the long run.
Additionally, let them know that alternatives may not be available and ask them to think of one dish they might enjoy trying. This preparation will help them feel more at ease and open to new foods.
Turning Mealtime Resistance into Laughter
If your kids won’t come to the table, try making it a game to ease the tension:
Start walking to the table and declare, “I bet I’ll get there first!” Alternatively, create a physical challenge and let your child try to stop you from reaching the table.
You can say, “I hope no one prevents me from getting to the table!” or “I hope no one takes my seat!” If your child rushes to your seat, playfully (but gently!) sit on them as if you didn’t see them.
The key here is to let them “win” so they feel good about coming to dinner.
If they’re resistant to eating, you could mock-threaten your food with humor: “Nobody touch these potatoes – these are MY potatoes!” Or deliberately “mess up” while feeding yourself: try putting food in your ears, on your head, or on your foot. Amplify your confusion and disappointment when you can’t eat “correctly.”
If mealtime manners are at their worst, try having a “bad manners contest.” Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting, discovered a unique solution to mealtime stress during a family event when children were having a hard time at the table. She took her son to another room and held a “bad manners contest.”
“We burped, blew bad breath at each other, made farting noises, and just laughed and laughed,” she recalls. After some cousins joined the contest, they played for another 15 minutes before heading back to the table, where the kids were able to sit and participate well.
When It’s Too Much: Take a Break
Sometimes, the pressure is simply too intense. If your child is melting down:
- Don’t force it; remove them from the overwhelming situation.
- Try a “time-in” away from the table by having some one-on-one time in another room to reset their emotional state.
The holidays with kids can be messy, unpredictable, and rarely picture-perfect. Remember, your child isn’t trying to ruin Thanksgiving; they’re communicating a deeper need for connection, understanding, and feeling seen. With a little creativity, you can transform potential meltdowns into moments of connection. This Thanksgiving, give yourself grace. You’re doing better than you think!
