Before summer turns into late nights and nonstop screen time with your preteen or teen, there’s something you can do to set your family up for a more peaceful summer:
Have a summer check-in with your kids. Not to lay down the law. Not a lecture. But to connect and collaborate.
Why it matters:
- You’re planting seeds.
- You’re modeling reflection and planning.
- You’re naming expectations—like a tech plan or a lights-out time—ahead of the power struggles.
It also shows your teen that you value their input and that your family works as a team.
This kind of intentional check-in helps prevent common summer pain points like:
- Late-night battles over screens
- Chore resistance
- Constant power struggles or nagging over what they should be doing
How to do it
Pick a calm moment—maybe over breakfast or on a walk—and say something like:
“Hey, let’s find a time this weekend to talk about the summer. I’d love to hear what’s important to you—and I’ve got a few things on my mind too.
When you come to the conversation, start with their goals:
- “Is there anything you want to try, learn, or get better at this summer?”
They might surprise you. Or they might say something unrealistic, or just shrug. That’s okay. If their ideas seem out there…stay curious. You might ask:
- “What would that look like day to day?”
- “How do you think you’d feel after a few weeks of that?”
You’re helping them think it through—without shutting them down. Let the plan unravel naturally, with you as a guide, not a critic.
Even if they don’t say much, this conversation still plants a seed. It invites them to think, and it gives you a chance to share expectations ahead of time.
You might say:
“One thing I’ve noticed is that summer can turn into staying up late and lots of screens. We need to come up with a plan so that you’re not staying up too late or on your phone or computer for hours on end.”
Coming up with a play together can help an older child buy-in instead of push back.
And remember, this check-in doesn’t have to be one and done.
If you create expectations and rules together and they’re not followed, that’s a a good reason to check in again. Maybe you have several check-ins throughout the summer to keep the communication going and course correct if needed. You may need to check in about what kind of support they need to meet expectations around chores, tech time, or anything else.
These regular check-ins help your teen feel like you’re in it with them—and that you’re paying attention, not just cracking down.
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s partnership. These conversations may be short—but they lay the foundation for something bigger: trust, respect, and connection
